I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
