dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
