I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We had sex on a dog bed..
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
