I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
