he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
