Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
