I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
