His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
