grandma shit on top of the toilet
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
