Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
