Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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