he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
