I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
