dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
