i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
