My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
