Small penises have feelings too.
worst night to have a conscience
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
