Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
