Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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