At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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