She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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