Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
