This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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