Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
being pregnant is like rehab
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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