I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
