Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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