dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
