So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Vodka?
Forever.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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