I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
