i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I don't think brook has ever known best
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
