u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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