i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
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