i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
