your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
