the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
