Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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