In the future we'll all be gay
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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