I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
