oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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