I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
