I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
