Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
