There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
