What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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