TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
