It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
