Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
