i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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