I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
