My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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